


Come High or Hell Water

by DiavenraNesus



Series: Tumblr Purge 2018 (Fuckmotheringfandomsagain) [8]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Insecurities, Mention of Insecurity, PTSD, Post-Voltron, Shiro's mental issues, injuries, not canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-23 03:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17072339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiavenraNesus/pseuds/DiavenraNesus
Summary: "You survived the war, now live with thetrauma."No one’s ever really equipped for any kind of war but there are only so many things that can make one feel as lost as the war against the own mind.





	Come High or Hell Water

At this point, it was almost a reflex. Your brain hadn’t even fully realized the situation but your body was already shooting up from the sofa in the living room and running towards the bedroom you used to share with Shiro.

His screams echoing throughout the apartment, got louder once you opened the door; pain and anger creating a bone shuttering sound that tore your heart appeared whenever you heard it.

Shiro was thrashing around, eyes wide open and fighting against someone that was entirely in his mind. His left arm whirring to life at the prospect of a threat.

When he had gotten back from the dead, more literal than you would ever feel comfortable with, and arrived back on Earth, you both knew that he would struggle a lot with handle the aftermath of the torture he had been put through.

A list of mental illnesses glaring at him. But for the longest time, they were just words. Sure, he faced a couple of the symptoms he was informed by doctors and therapists but for the most time, he thought he had control over his mind.

And then came the first time he was able to relax, focus on himself and he fell. Months of severe depression, suicidal thoughts and the overwhelming truth how much he had been broken for a war that should’ve never been his to fight.

The nightmares had started around the same time but at first, you could still lay next to him. Shiro had told you how having you there, reassured him that the torture was over, no one would come to get him anymore.

But over time, nightmares turned into night terrors. They came each night and soon you had to cut back on work just so you would have a couple of hours to catch up on sleep because the night was now reserved for taking care of Shiro.

It was harder but it was still manageable because he allowed you to help him in the only way you knew how to; cuddling him when you slept next to each other in hopes it was all he needed to get through the night. And many times it worked but one time it didn’t; it went horribly wrong and Shiro hadn’t let go of it ever since.

One particular nightmare, or really a hallucinating episode, had resulted in his brain registering a threat and in turn, his left arm had turned on, attacking the thing that was closest to him: you.

It was a sheer miracle that he had only injured you along your arms, cutting through muscle tissue and some bone. Pidge had provided you with a mechanical aid so that you could still lead your life as well as possible.

There was no doubt that Shiro had never meant to hurt you, just seeing his wrecked face as he saw what his arm had done to you was enough to prove that. But from that day on, all he could focus on were several what-if scenarios.

What if you had laid on his other side?

_It would have been much easier to injure them, more severely._

What if he had woken up just second later?

_You know the answer to that._

What if you hadn’t woken up, couldn’t fight him and wake him in turn, too?

_You would’ve killed them._

_He could’ve **killed** you…_

His mind circled on that so many times that he didn’t allow you to be near him unless he was in absolute control. Over the day, he was willing to let you be affectionate with him, be close to him but as soon as he noticed his mind slipping, he hurried away into the bedroom. Over the night, you weren’t even allowed to enter the room and had resorted to sleeping on the couch.

You honored his wish as far as you could but despite the injury, despite the bouts of pain you felt at random times in your arm, you weren’t willing to let him suffer through this all on his own.

A small cuss left your lips as your brain ran through what you should do. You wanted to get close to him and quite literal shake him out of his episode but you knew it would do little good and so much bad. Shiro counted on you protecting yourself when he wasn’t able to and getting close to him, and by default, his left arm, was doing the opposite.

You planted your feet onto the floor, willing yourself to remain in the door frame and not get to him.

“Takashi,” you spoke loud and clear to be heard over the noises he was making, sounding much more calmer than you were feeling inside.

You repeated his names several times until his eyes shot towards where you were standing, giving you the sign that finally, he had noticed you.

“Kashi, I need you to listen to me. Can you hear me?”

“…yes. (Y/n), you need to leave. They’re coming!”

“Everything is alright. Tell me what’s happening.”

“Zarkon is coming… I didn’t, I didn’t kill him. I wasn’t strong enough. He’s back and he’s gonna kill all of us.”

“What about Voltron? I’m sure he can be defeated with Voltron.”

Tears slipped out of his eyes, running over his still but tense face.

“They’re gone. They’re all gone.”

You took a deep breath, collecting yourself for the hardest part of every time he was hallucinating of past events and possibilities.

“Takashi. You’re hallucinating. What you’re seeing isn’t happening. You’re back on Earth, you’ve won against Zarkon.”

He was able to shake his head again. “No, no… I didn’t… I’m not…?”

“Yes, you did. The final fight against his empire? That was three years ago. Everyone on the team is still alive. We’ve seen Pidge and her girlfriend just last week, remember?”

His forehead scrunched in confusion, the wheels turning in his head and in the next moment, his body slumped down, rid of the tension spell adrenaline had put over it and the light of his arm, showing it was activated, was gone too.

Shiro’s breathing slowed down and when his eyes settled on you, he was truly seeing you.

You were both giving each other a sad smile, a silent communication happening between you and only when you saw on his face what you needed to know, did you speak.

“Trip?”

“Yes, please.”

You nodded and turned on your heel to grab your jacket and keys. You wanted to embrace him so badly, tell him that everything was going to be fine but he needed his space first and as much as you hated it, you were giving him that.

The ‘trip’ had been an idea by his therapist a couple years ago, mentioning how you should go somewhere he could be himself and allowed him to be distracted; a place that was constantly calling out to him.

There was exactly one place that fit this description, even though it was more of a sentient being than an actual place. Given how many bad memories he had while he was fighting against The Galra Empire, you were hesitant to take him back to her.

But when all of your other ideas had failed to give him the peace he needed, you were willing to give it a shot.

After the Paladins had come back from the war against the Empire for good, the officials had wondered what to do with the Lions. Some said they should remain on Earth at the possibility that, with the proven existence of aliens now, another attack could always come. Others said that the lions were sentient weapons and could be the very reason Earth would be attacked again so they should be sent away.

Months of decision making and everchanging rules had resulted that the lions would be kept on Earth for tests at a discreet location with only a couple of scientists, you among them, and the Paladins knowing about it.

Ever since then “The Trip” had been a codeword for seeing the Black Lion because if the first trip to her had shown you something it was that while Keith might’ve been able to pilot her and lead Voltron, she had the strongest connection with Shiro.

It was an easy feat to get to her, given that the two of you had official access, and seeing how late it already was, no one was running tests on them anymore.

You both walked towards her barrier, which disappeared as soon as Shiro had touched it and Black came to life, bowing her head to let her old Paladin back in.

Shiro and you climbed inside of her, him settling into the seat and you standing behind him.

His hands glid over the handles and he closed his eyes, a smile appeared on his face, so peaceful like you rarely saw it these days.

Suddenly his eyes opened again and he looked at you, taking you by surprise.

“What,” you asked in a low voice, this moment seeming too precious for more volume.

“Come here.” Shiro wheeled the seat a little bit back and opened his arms for you.

Within a moment, you were onto him, hugging him tightly as he reciprocated.

“I’m sorry…,” he whispered against your skin but you immediately shook your head.

“(Y/n). You deserve someone better. I’m not good for you-”

You opened your mouth to interrupt him but before you could, Black roared, making the cockpit shake violently.

The motion had you look around frantically before you settle on each other’s face. You started to laugh deeply while he just shook his head.

“Listen to your lion, Paladin. We don’t want anyone else, only you. Come high or hell water. Ain’t that right, girl?”

Shiro wanted to say something else but when he saw you be so happy, talking to the Black Lion, he didn’t want to argue. As much as he thought he was breaking, he wanted to stay with you. Come high or hell water.


End file.
